selfish/selfless/dreams

Selfishness:

devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 

This comes off so negatively but you know what I think?  I think there are two sides to this hefty coin in the wallet of personality... There's the mean, egotistical, stubborn, careless selfishness, right? (we shall call this the "tails" side of the coin) Then there's the healthy, self-aware, minimalistic, careful selfishness (this is the "heads"). Human beings are born with an innate sense of selfishness. As babies we cry when we are hungry, need affection, or comfort regardless of our care takers schedule, sleep deprivation, or financial situation; and we do this until the day we learn to take it upon ourselves to tend to our own needs. The circle of life... nature... biology... call it what you will but it is essentially the very essence of selfishness. 

Selflessness:

having little or no concern for oneself, especially with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish.

In our everyday lives it is impossible to truly be "selfless". If you were to be the very essence of the definition quoted above then you, my friend, wouldn't survive for very long. No, so instead we perform selfless acts: volunteering, donations, charity, or even fasting are great examples... but what about on a much smaller scale? I've been teaching myself about various religious beliefs and their values and one of the number one aspects that keeps popping up is "selflessness"... It intrigues me. It almost seems as if having your own personal interest at heart is continually frowned upon; but, isn't that how you achieve happiness? Isn't that how you live through experience or discover yourself?

I have been told all too many times throughout my life that I am selfish. Apparently I don't think nor care about others and I believed them; in fact, there was a time that I did what I could to prove it to them. I wasted a good amount of my life "being selfish" (in the "tails" type of way) because people expected me to anyway and you know what that led me to? Nothing... pure emptiness. I spent so much time embodying or desperately avoiding this characteristic that everyone told me was so terrible that I knew not who I really was. After I committed what I think is one of THE most selfless acts by taking on the challenge of being a single mother to my wonderful Honey Bee, I realized that I had not only lost myself up to that point but I had also lived this vacant life full of "what ifs" and unfulfilled dreams. Now I battle this plague better known as regret...

I guess my point is that there will always be voices, opinions, rules, and ideas on how to "improve your life", and it's silly. Only you can improve your life, know why? Because only you know what "life", or "path", or "direction", resides in your dreams; you just have to decide whether you will go after those dreams or if you will let someone else tell you what dreams are acceptable...